In case you missed it, last week was the part 1 of our pros and cons list about Star Wars heading out to chillax (yes, that is a word in the Star Wars universe) with Disney and Friends. If you missed it, stop by here and check it out! We saw how there is plenty of potential upside to Disney’s new acquisition. This change has it’s downsides though, and today we will look at some of the cons of this bold and expensive move.
1. The Fanfare is Gone.
I vividly remember going to see Star Wars Episode I in theaters. Remember the hype surrounding that movie? Remember how excited everyone was to see a new chapter in the saga that we all love!?!? The Atmosphere in that theater was most electric right after the previews. The lights dimmed as the screen glimmered the most beautiful words: “Feature Presentation.” Then the epic 20th Century Fox fanfare Blared to life with its accompanying banner. Immediately the Star Wars theme played, and things went downhill from there, To be honest, the opening sequence was the best part of seeing episode I in theaters.
But we’re not here to talk about what a letdown Episode I was. We’re here because that fanfare, It’s the one I can’t even hear anymore without thinking “Are we watching Star Wars?” But now it’s gone, replaced by a glittering CG castle and pretty fireworks. This small change by itself is proof that Star Wars just can’t be like the saga we remember. Thank goodness for J.J. Abrams. I will hold out hope that he can take the next movie in a wonderful new direction that will keep me from longing for the way things were.
2. Return of the Cast.
That’s right. at least according to IMDB, the original stars are rumored to return for this next installment. If you don’t understand why this is a bad idea, think of it this way. Return of the Jedi happened 30 years ago. Remember the Indiana Jones reboot? Remember how awkward it was having old Harrison Ford jump, fight, run, and explore like a much younger man? Remember how it was impossible to believe this old guy could possibly be this athletic? … Or how impossible it was to believe or accept anything that happened in that movie?
Unless Abrams can bring them back In a clever way like he brought back Leonard Nimoy for Star Trek, I see the scenario turning into another Awkward Indiana Jones type situation, or maybe like a strange E! True Hollywood Story: Star Wars Edition. Where are they now? “Well, it looks like Luke Skywalker retired… guess he didn’t age nearly as gracefully as that Yoda fellow. Unfortunately he just never lived down that time where he kissed his sister… and then that other time when he kissed his sister after he learned that she was in fact his sister. Guess that’s what happens when your dad abandons you so he can go rule an evil empire. That’s bad parenting at its worst right there, folks.”
If there’s a plus side to this development, it is that Anthony Daniels (C3PO) can once again remove his name from national unemployment list.
3. Jerry Brukheimer.
Now, some of you might be saying, “Who’s that.” Let me explain to you. Jerry Bruckheimer is a producer of sub-par movies and T.V. Shows. He is the guy who helms many of Disney’s live action features, and he is also the embodiment of everything that is wrong with Disney’s movie-making strategy. He has produced about a trillion Disney summer movies that usually range in quality from bad to mediocre. If he miraculously produces a gem (which in his case is a somewhat satisfying and redeeming movie that is usually entertaining in spite of itself) He and Disney get together and run with that nugget until it becomes so tired and overplayed that it makes you hate the original concept. If you don’t believe me, I need to simply point to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Did you know that Disney has already confirmed a Pirates 6!?!?!? That series has been awful since Pirates 2! But they found a character in Jack Sparrow that audiences enjoyed, So they brought that character back and forced him to do intelligent and endearing things like dance around with jars and play fruit ninja while tied to a long stick.
Now if the Pirates of the Caribbean Blunder isn’t enough to convince you of the Disney/Brucky worthlessness, let me pose these movies to you, along with their reason for existence:
Glory Road: Because we found a hit with “Remember the Titans” So we thought, why don’t we tell the exact same story, but with basketball?
National Treasure: Book of Secrets: (and recently announced number 3) Because nothing is better than making an okay Nic Cage movie look like Shakespeare.
Prince of Persia: Because a million Pirates movies aren’t enough, so we made another one in the desert.
Top Gun 2: (Yup, it’s official. they’re makin’ it) Because we want bloggers to speculate on how absurd this sequel will be. (Honestly, though, if they have that danger zone song in there I’ll probably have to go. That is 80’s cheese at it’s best… or it’s worst. I can’t decide.Either way, I’m so there.)
If those movies aren’t enough to make you shy away from anything bearing the Bruckheimer name I don’t know what will. So Disney, with all due respect: This is not the producer you’re looking for.
4. No more John Williams
No, the Famous composer isn’t dead yet, But he hasn’t composed a complete movie original score in quite a while. The last big thing anyone remembers are the first few Harry Potter Movies and the last Star Wars. It would seem that Mr. Williams is pretty much retired. And honestly, maybe that’s a good thing; The music he composed for the new trilogy was nothing like the music of the first three movies. It wasn’t bad, but most of it wasn’t particularly memorable either.
(No one can say no to the Vader puppy)
With that said, Williams’ music has in many ways become the soul of the Star Wars universe. Finding the appropriate composer is crucial to making Star Wars work. Who will replace him? Hanz Zimmer? I don’t think anyone in their right mind wants that much sub-woofer in these movies. Howard Shore? Well… Honestly I don’t really want to hear Howard Shore do anything besides Lord of the Rings themes. He’s stuck. James Horner is married to James Cameron (and boy they’re a cute couple). Maybe some upstart newcomer or some under the radar composer? It’s a tough call to make. Lets pray that Disney doesn’t shoot the franchise in the foot by hiring the wrong composer,
Okay, well that’s only four, but this has turned into a pretty long rant, and these are very legitimate worries, So before I frighten Star Wars nuts more with even more big cons, remember last week’s post! There is still lots of great potential. just hire the right composer and keep Jerry B. away from anything Star Wars related
(This is what happens if Bruckheimer takes over)