Why I Suck at Blogging; Creating a Successful “Catchy Blog”

It’s no surprise I suck at Blogging. My blog stinks. It’s awful. Terrible. Horrendous. Painful. Unpardonable. I knew I wasn’t a great blogger, but it wasn’t until I Monty Pythoned myself in the last post that I realized just what an awful blogger I am. See, as with many other posts, I put a little list together. My lists tend to come in fives. No particular reason, other than five seems like a good clean number for a short list. at any rate, like King Arthur, I forgot that in order to count to five, you have to get 3 and 4 first. Thus, I posted a list that counted five things, but I omitted the number 4. I can’t even count to 5 the right way!!!!! (In my defense, I was counting backward from 5. it’s… um… a lot harder that way…???) (don’t worry. I fixed it. It’s all correctly counted and stuff now)

Of course, I’ve always known I’m not very good at it. I’m so not very good that I’ve created a measure of success for each post I write: That is, if I can get 1 new follower from a post, then I will consider it successful (you know, something along the lines of “if you could impact just one person in your life then it was meaningful.” That sort of nonsense.) It’s a low standard, but one that has allowed me to feel like my posts have been successful. I have in fact received at least one new follower per post so far. That means that at least one person read a post and said “hey, this guy seems like he’s worth reading. I’m gonna follow him,” or (If you take the more cynical perspective), “This guy seems like he’s dumb enough that If I follow him maybe I can subtly convince him to follow my blog, then I can ignore him forever.” Either way it’s good to know my blog is making a small impact.

I shouldn’t complain about having so few followers (69 at the time of this post. I know, right?) Especially since I won’t tell anyone I know that I have a blog, or where to find it. In fact, only 3 of my followers actually know who I am. That’s the fun of the blog for me, Though I didn’t start off that way (check out my original post) It’s turned into a fun challenge to see if I can get followers just by writing. I know. I’m horribly self-centered. But if you went and read my first post, then you already knew that. So I realize that I’m not going to have lots of followers for a long time. Maybe not ever. And I don’t mind that…

…Except when I run into posts like the one I saw the other day. I’m not gonna link to it, because I don’t want the guy to feel bad, or cause him to write douche-y comments on my blog (although I have yet to get my first troll on the blog too, so maybe I could inspire that to happen), but it just gave me pause; This guy couldn’t tell the difference between you, your, and you’re. He couldn’t properly structure a sentence. The post was intended to be a self-help type post about being successful in life, but his only advice was basically to “get off your lazy f***** butt and do something instead of watching TV!” … I guess it wasn’t bad advice, but I was like “Oh. That’s all there is to it? Gosh, I’m gonna get out and be successful today!” (BTW. the other reason I’m not linking you to the post is because I don’t remember the name of the blog in which I saw the post. I know. I’m telling you. I’m bad at this.)

I bet this sign got at least a billion likes.

I bet this sign got at least a billion likes.

What got me really aggravated (and ultimately inspired this post (I know. You thought it was the Monty Python bit. (…”Wait. Did he just do a parenthesis inside another parenthesis? is that even legal?”))) was that this guy had 200 likes for this useless post that had no valuable information besides, “You want to be successful? Well stop being not successful, and then you will succeed.” Serious folks. I’m not even exaggerating. he was even worse than me. But somehow he had 200 likes for one crappy post. I’m lucky if I get one like for one crappy post. And my posts are AT LEAST as crappy as that guy’s.

So now I’m sitting here like “What does success as a blogger even mean?” obviously I don’t know. But if this post gets me one more follower I think I’ll be cool with that. I think this post is much more likely to get me a new troll than a new follow. But that has to be part of the measure of success for any internet related media. If you don’t have a troll you can’t be successful.

Or you could find grammar/spelling errors in my post... then I'd really feel stupid for writing this post!

Or you could find grammar/spelling errors in my post… then I’d really feel stupid for writing this post!

Since I’m already sitting in this state of whiny self-deprecating contemplation, I’m going to ask you to like and subscribe, because isn’t that what bad bloggers (and especially bad Youtube Vloggers) do? I think so.  I gotta measure success of my crappy blog somehow! Or troll me… so I can know what that feels like…

But I feel myself growing more confused as this post drags on. So I guess I’ll just congratulate you for reading to the end. I don’t think I would’ve made it this far if I were reading it. You deserve $20. If I had that kind of money, I’d give it to you. Unless you skimmed. If you skimmed you don’t deserve it. But if you read the whole thing I’d give you the $20 I wish I had. But I don’t. I spent my money on…. Cashews… or something…


7 thoughts on “Why I Suck at Blogging; Creating a Successful “Catchy Blog”

  1. Wayne

    Blogs are like hanging internet fly-strips that just happen to catch someone buzzing by if they are sticky enough—-you are ‘sticky’ enough to do well on here—-funny stuff

  2. Pingback: POST #50! 5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT BLOGGING SO FAR | The Catchy Blog

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