So I’m making a new resolution as of today. The resolution is never to ever read any post or article that has a title that goes something like this: THIS IS THE CUTEST THING YOU’LL EVER SEE! or, YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO THESE CARTOON CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON!
Why have I made this new resolution? because 100% of the time, these posts/articles are LIES! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! Sure, I occasionally read one where I say, “yeah, that’s pretty cute.” or “Oh, that’s kind of interesting, I didn’t know that,” or even, on rare occasions, “Oh, I wouldn’t have thought that about so and so.” But never once have I though “OMG THIS IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST THINK I’VE EVER SEEN!!!! THEY WERE SO AMAZINGLY RIGHT! I’M SO GLAD I CLICKED ON THIS LINK!” or “OMG, THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING AND UNBELIEVABLE FACT I’VE EVER LEARNED! I CAN’T EVEN RIGHT NOW!”
I get why internet “news” people do it. I get that the catchy headlines 1. require zero creativity on your part, and 2. automatically pique people’s curiosity. I’m sure there are plenty of articles/pictures/videos that I never would’ve taken the time to click on without the intense hyperbole of the title. But again, every single time, by the end I feel like I’ve been duped.
It’s sad that I’ve taken this long to realize, but no matter how interesting or unbelievable the link, I’m always going to walk away disappointed. I always take the title so seriously. I go in thinking that this is going to be the “Lord of the Rings” of links, but ultimately I always wind up with “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey:” only mildly interesting and way too long for its own good.
Oh! And speaking of overly long – What about the posts like this one that said something like “You won’t believe what happen to these child stars!” one of those “Where are they now” type posts, but with another hyperbolic line. I remember reading it, and realizing that only about half of the child stars had fallen into obscurity. The other half still were, to some degree, still in the public eye. I knew what they were doing. And I realized the article probably knew we knew, but if it can get us to click “Next page” a few more times, then their website stats will look that much better! and then they can stick in that aggravating advertisement that makes you wait for ten seconds before you can click to “continue to article.” It’s a win-win for everyone right?
… well… except for the reader of course… but who cares about that? We care about AD SUPPORT!
So that is why I’ve resolved to just stay away. Because you can’t live up to your hyperbole, and I’m sick of feeling like a sucker. Everyone else might give you clicks and fall prey to your lazy self-promotion, but I will not. Not anymore.